Time for Timer

Top 10 flashback - June 10, 1989

2009-08-31T21:03:00.000-07:00

10. "Soldier of Love," Donny Osmond

The Japanese intro here is the only thing making this dreck tolerable.

9. "Where Are You Now?," Jimmy Harnen with Synch

About five or so years behind its time.

8. "Patience," Guns N' Roses

GNR get all soulful on us and Axl shows he can really sing.

7. "Satisfied," Richard Marx

Marx shows he knows how to rawk!... okay, not so much.

6. "Close My Eyes Forever," Lita Ford with Ozzy Osbourne

Quick, who is who?

5. "Rock On," Michael Damian

Lots of soap stars try to be rock stars and Damian actually did it (with the help of the two Coreys... once, anyway)... and you can see why so few others have succeeded. And yes, this actually went to #1.

4. "Buffalo Stance," Neneh Cherry

"Walk the Dinosaur," it was not.

3. "I'll Be Loving You (Forever)," New Kids on the Block

Time to break out the falsetto to really cement the rabid fans. Props to Jordan Knight for the post-"Dark Knight Returns", pre-Tim Burton movie Batman shirt.

2. "Every Little Step," Bobby Brown

Bobbybrown!!! Okay you know I had to do that.

1. "Wind Beneath My Wings," Bette Midler

I promised myself I wouldn't cry... sniff...

Top 10 flashback - June 9, 1984

2009-08-31T20:56:00.000-07:00

10. "I'll Wait," Van Halen

But don't bother waiting for a music video.

9. "Jump (For My Love)," Pointer Sisters

Worth it if only for that one Hugh Grant scene.

8. "Hello", Lionel Richie

Professor Richie, both creepy and unintentionally funny, culminating with the Lionel sculpture, but a former #1.

7. "Self Control," Laura Branigan

She did something besides "Gloria?" Also, this gives me nightmares.

6. "The Heart of Rock & Roll," Huey Lewis & the News

No, that's not bumper music, that's an actual song.

5. "Sister Christian," Night Ranger

The movie that pretty much defined the power ballad, and if those who are inebriated can't not turn this song up.

4. "The Reflex," Duran Duran

Seriously, they could do no wrong at this point. Nice hook but kind of a mess.

3. "Let's Hear it for the Boy", Deniece Williams

Ubiquitous, cheesy but hard to resist, and a former #1.

2. "Oh, Sherrie", Steve Perry

Journey guy goes off on his own and ups the sap quotient about 1,000,000 percent. Still insanely catchy.

1. "Time After Time", Cyndi Lauper

Class of '84, you guys!

Just because

2008-06-25T22:53:00.001-07:00

You can't handle the show!

2008-02-15T17:50:00.001-08:00

Eat my shorts, Xenu

2008-01-30T23:05:00.000-08:00

Bart gives generously...

Defcon 5

2008-01-16T23:43:00.000-08:00

Denton has brass ones.

So familiar...

2008-01-12T00:14:00.000-08:00

Yet more verbose.

There's nothing like Christmas in Pac-Land

2007-12-17T23:08:00.001-08:00

10 years gone

2007-12-17T23:03:00.001-08:00

We miss you, Chris.

Randy's fantasy

2007-11-30T23:49:00.000-08:00

Definitely a better "Treehouse of Horror" than last year

2007-11-25T06:51:00.000-08:00

30 Rock brilliance

2007-11-24T22:47:00.001-08:00

This cracks me up, I don't quite know why

2007-11-24T22:33:00.001-08:00

This blog is officially on strike

2007-11-05T22:33:00.000-08:00

Sorry but the vast team of writers for this blog has joined in the strike. I didn't have the heart to tell them that they didn't write for TV or the movies.

Rest in peace, Robert

2007-10-30T17:35:00.001-07:00

Something strange about that new grocery store...

2007-10-01T23:02:00.000-07:00

Best Tolkien song?

2007-08-31T00:06:00.000-07:00

You decide:
A)

Or B)

The 2000s' "Who's on First'

2007-08-14T22:26:00.000-07:00

In honor of the triumphant return of Flash Gordon

2007-08-10T10:58:00.001-07:00

American Top 40 countdowns

2007-07-25T22:31:00.000-07:00

Great link...

Come on down!

2007-07-23T20:11:00.000-07:00

Couldn't happen to a nicer guy...

President for a day

2007-07-21T07:07:00.001-07:00

Harry Potter dies

2007-07-20T21:52:00.000-07:00

Or not. I really have no clue. But thanks for the web traffic.

Radio radio

2007-07-14T08:04:00.001-07:00

Take a listen...

How to get out of a mugging

2007-07-13T12:14:00.001-07:00

You've got the touch...

2007-07-05T07:42:00.000-07:00

Jake Byrd speaks for all of us

2007-06-09T22:54:00.001-07:00

My work here is done

2007-06-06T08:55:00.000-07:00

What is missing from the local news?

2007-06-04T21:37:00.000-07:00

R.I.P. Charles Nelson Reilly

2007-06-02T22:22:00.000-07:00

He's had it up to here with Screech

2007-05-21T14:53:00.000-07:00

20 years of Prozac (and 100 posts to this blog)

2007-05-21T14:50:00.001-07:00

Jimmy Kimmel's loving tribute...

Almost funnier without context

2007-04-13T22:34:00.000-07:00

(Profanity alert)

What you got e-mailed to you this week

2007-04-13T22:28:00.000-07:00

Check in next week for another edition of "What you got e-mailed to you this week." If you did not get this e-mailed to you this week, please find new friends.

Who does a worse job explaining themselves?

2007-04-10T13:26:00.000-07:00

Michael Richards, Don Imus, or Patrice Oneal below? This is a tough one...

More here:

Why don't I give you a call sometime, Xenu. Allllrighty then!

2007-02-23T16:47:00.000-08:00

Latest Friends of Tom

Happy 25 years, Dave!

2007-02-02T13:31:00.000-08:00

Maybe he was just pulling a "Kaufman" at The Laugh Factory... Naaah...

2006-12-05T11:07:00.000-08:00

Kanye Deserves Every Award Ever

2006-11-03T13:19:00.000-08:00

And has no problem telling you so:

Now in Production: "The Passion of the Hubbard"

2006-11-02T12:57:00.000-08:00

If you can't beat 'em, run 'em:

Film star Tom Cruise has teamed up with Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Inc. to resurrect United Artists, the movie studio founded 87 years ago by screen legends Charlie Chaplin, Mary Pickford, Douglas Fairbanks and others, MGM said on Thursday.

That sound you hear is massive amounts of grave-rolling.

Latest Kerry apology released

2006-11-02T12:46:00.000-08:00

Recently posted to someone's MySpace page:

I do not intend, nor will I allow, those who have taken my words and twisted and distorted them beyond any comprehensible meaning to rule the day here in these days just prior to a very important, nay, momentous election. I do not apologize for my statements so much as I am deeply sorry to any soldier who was too dense to figure out the nuances of my clever quip, which I thoroughly mangled with my ill-chosen, yet nonetheless quite correct, words criticizing the leader of the troops in combat, whom I am very apologetic to, whilst at the same time, I will not back down at any point whatsoever from what I intended to say on that day...

I would copy and paste more but I started to fall asleep.

Fighting the bat problem

2006-10-31T11:02:00.000-08:00

Alright, just what a town with a bat problem needs... Senior Citizen Batman!

Columnist attacks self

2006-10-26T08:56:00.000-07:00

"As a conservative, I subscribe to hatred of the disabled. So it just made sense." - Charles Krauthammer

When in doubt...

2006-10-20T06:23:00.000-07:00

... go to Namibia, the latest celebrity hideaway.

Billy Bush interviews Black Eyed Pea and Michael Jackson impersonator

2006-10-16T21:34:00.000-07:00

Or maybe that's LaToya...

Open the pod bay doors, HAL

2006-10-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

I'm Alec Baldwin, dammit!

2006-10-12T05:26:00.000-07:00

You can just hear the words "Do you know who I am?"

Oh goody

2006-09-28T08:06:00.000-07:00

Now that this tape is out there, we can all sleep better at night... I sure can.

$350K per episode

2006-09-28T05:42:00.000-07:00

And how much will go towards exposing "the Truth" about 9/11 (versus, say, his usual efforts)?

Tom Cruise to appear on "Today Show" to explain Clinton record on terrorism

2006-09-25T21:24:00.000-07:00

'Cuz he wouldn't fly off the handle quite so much.

Mullally-Ray talk show feud enters 2nd week

2006-09-25T21:15:00.000-07:00

The latest on the war of words between Rachael Ray of "The Rachael Ray Show" and Megan Mullally "Megan Mullally Show." Mullally this week dubbed Ray the "Worst Person in the World" after Ray began an online petition to get Mullally's show canceled. On today's installments of their respective programs, Ray called Mullally a "bad American" during her preparation of a quick one-minute snack recipe. Mullally for her part went to Ground Zero while simultaneously wrapping herself in the American flag, calling for the immediate arrest of Ray for crimes against television... before breaking into a quick Broadway routine. Meanwhile, Greg Behrendt wondered aloud to himself (and the studio audience of seven) who he was and what he was doing hosting a show at all.

Not since Bowie and Crosby...

2006-09-19T13:35:00.000-07:00

Nice movie studio you've got here... it would be a pity if anything happened to it...

2006-09-17T01:34:00.000-07:00

Call in the goons:

According to a high-ranking media executive, Paramount Pictures honcho Grey had a highly unpleasant run-in with the Church during his tense negotiations with Cruise over Mission: Impossible 3. Grey, who had recently joined the studio, entered the talks determined to make Cruise accept a smaller share of the gross revenues than he had from the first two installments in the franchise. (For those films, the actor reportedly took home an unheard-of 30 percent of the total revenue.) Leaving the office one night, the diminutive Grey, walking to his car in the Paramount lot, suddenly found himself surrounded by more than a dozen Scientologists, who pressured him to ease up on the actor, according to the source.

Erm

2006-09-16T12:40:00.000-07:00

Can't believe I'm saying this but GO ROSIE!

Took the words out of my mouth

2006-09-12T23:39:00.000-07:00

Good on ya:

It's tempting to look at this final two in terms of who deserves more emphatically to be cursed with the loss, especially because it's hard to accept the idea that Mike will do this and there will be no punishment. But of course, the fact of the matter is that whether he does or doesn't win half a million dollars -- he probably will -- being himself is his punishment. The punishment for being empty is emptiness, not poverty. The punishment for inability to feel the things that normal people feel is numbness, not losing at this or any other game. The punishment for antisocial behavior is your alienation from all social structure, not the experience of shame. Enjoy that convertible, though. I'm sure it will make the harm you've knowingly done a lot easier for your mother to stomach.

Dickweed.

Vote now

2006-09-10T20:19:00.000-07:00

Probably won't matter but vote Erika (and like most elections, it's the lesser of two evils)!

More from Penn and Teller

2006-09-10T20:12:00.000-07:00


More from Penn & Teller on this 5th anniversary...

Tom & Katie borrow baby to take pictures

2006-09-06T17:38:00.000-07:00

Err... I mean the baby's real!!! And it's unbelievably cute! Perhaps too cute... Anyway... yayyyy! Baby pics!

Bye-bye Willy!

2006-09-06T17:37:00.000-07:00

I declare victory in my flame war... well, at least partial victory.

Flame War Extra - "Fisking" Boogie

2006-08-26T17:38:00.000-07:00

Last week he was HOH, so I can now flame in earnest:

First and foremost I have to give a major thanks to my business partner, Mr. Lonnie Moore. I didn't expect to make the show, much less make it this far. Sorry I've been gone so long and thank you for holding down the LA scene and the Atlanta build-out.

"Sorry I can't help you out with my hugely successful restaurant venture, I'm here trying to lie and scheme my way into a half million dollars. A guy's gotta eat!"

Big shouts to (all his friends and business associates at Dolce Group and his other restaurants).

Thank you, CBS, for sparing us that much.

Hope those Red Sox are holding it down while I'm locked up like Akon.

That's two "holding it downs" in three paragraphs! He can't break the "hip-hop" character in his blog, in fact its worse!

Hi to all my family: Mom, Nan, Uncle Rick, Tony, Debbie, Ed, T, Paula and all the Cheneys, Brittons and Barasso's watching from afar. I want you all to know I am having MUCH more fun this time as you can probably see on the tv screen!

Saying hi to Dick Cheney is just plain strange.

My fellow houseguests want me to pass along a few well wishes:

Will: Erin he wants to remind you we are competing on a tv show. He loves you very much and talks about you ALL the time. Things aren't always as they seem as you would know. He misses you and Scout so much!

Meanwhile, Erin has dated five other doctors in the meantime...

Erika: Happy Birthday mom and hi to my brother.
James: Sara he loves and misses you (I can't wait to meet you as well)

"Never mind how I lied to your boyfriend for $500 grand... after seeing your picture, I can't wait to meet you!"

Chicken George: Hi to his family and friends in Rockford, Illinois

Danielle: hello to all her family and friends...she misses you!

Janelle........she's been HOH so much she already said everything!
Everybody enjoy the rest of the show.....hopefully you'll be seeing a lot more of me.

What, that's it?

Peace,
Mike Boogie

Oh good he gets to annoy us once before he's done.

Paramount discovers Tom Cruise is a nut...

2006-08-22T17:19:00.001-07:00

...Strangely, after his latest movie lays an egg at the box office...

6 months behind on this and it's still a "WTF" story

2006-08-16T12:56:00.000-07:00

I remember DIC being a gimmicky, cheap animation studio but this is ridiculous:

Move over SpongeBob SquarePants, here comes the Oracle of Omaha.

Billionaire Warren Buffett, whose sage investments and folksy demeanor have made him a worldwide financial icon, is set to star in a DVD series as a cartoon version of himself, dispensing advice to children ages five to 12.

The series, “The Secret Millionaire’s Club,” will feature the words, voice and likeness of Buffett, who is known as the Oracle of Omaha and runs Nebraska-based investment company Berkshire Hathaway.

“We could not have asked for a more inspirational partner to create an equally inspirational and entertaining DVD series,” said Andrew Heyward, chairman and chief executive of the company producing the series, DIC Entertainment.

The 13-title series features an unscrupulous developer snapping up properties in Omaha and foreclosing on the local youth center. Four children raise money to rescue the center and turn to Buffett for weekly financial and investment advice.

Production is underway on the series and the first two titles are scheduled for release in autumn 2006.

Next thing you know Donald Trump will star in a cheesy TV show... oh, wait...

They even got to Stone, man!

2006-08-12T09:28:00.000-07:00

Disappointment with the Alexander director over World Trade Center from conspiracy kooks:

TheResistanceManifesto.com, run by one "John Conner" (presumably self-styled after The Terminator's hero), denounces World Trade Center as "the biggest 9/11 whitewash in history." Asks Conner: "Was Stone used by the Illuminati as an unknowing pawn to whitewash the 9/11 conspiracy theories to the masses?"

Nah, not the Illuminati... T-1000!

The flame war is won

2006-08-11T12:39:00.000-07:00

Because this is probably the most pathetic thing ever attempted for a reality show (yes, even more so than Tranji)...

You'll have to verify your age to watch though... but not on a full stomach, whatever you do...

Ah, summer TV

2006-08-11T12:34:00.000-07:00

The only place you'll find something like "Tranji" on an actual major network...

Best "Concession Speech" Ever?

2006-08-11T11:41:00.000-07:00

It's time for a good old-fashioned Crazy-Off... after this week's events, I had trouble deciding who gave the best "concession speech"... you decide as Howard Dean takes on Cynthia McKinney!

Nanu, nanu

2006-08-10T23:41:00.000-07:00

Good for Robin Williams going to rehab... bad for his publicist:

"After 20 years of sobriety Robin Williams found himself drinking again[..."]

Wow, I was just minding my own business and I noticed a bottle of booze in my hands. Weird!

He did this before an available microphone to bash Mel but he got a few shots (pun intended) in earlier:

NB reports that he and host Jay Leno were discussing Limbaugh's recent run-in with customs agents over Viagra, and Williams quipped:

But he's got kind of a tradition of doing that, when he used to have his maid be the mule. [With a Hispanic accent] "Mr. Limbaugh, I come back with your medication." Where was he staying in the Caribbean, Club Medicated?

Oh, that's a good one, Father's Day!

Dear morons...

2006-08-10T23:29:00.000-07:00

For those of you not convinced a while back and still big fans of the Sheen-ster and his theories go here and here...

25 years later...

2006-07-31T21:48:00.000-07:00

Back when it all (sorta) meant something...

We'll be back to poking fun at celebrities soon (I hear Mel Gibson might have done something strange... not sure, it's not getting any coverage apparently.)

P.S. When will these morons boot Boogie and Will already?

Exposed!

2006-07-23T18:30:00.000-07:00

A massive hoax has taken place in Clearwater, Florida... oh, and a "monster" in the 1940s was exposed as phony too...

Wha?

2006-07-19T22:30:00.000-07:00

There are no words...

Flame war of the year?

2006-07-19T22:05:00.000-07:00

Kevin Smith ups the ante (against Joel Siegel):

"Time to go!" roared Siegel to his fellow critics. "First movie I've walked out of in 30 [bleeping] years!" His tirade came 40 minutes into the long-awaited Weinstein Company sequel to Smith's 1994 cult classic [Clerks] about two foul-mouthed Long Island convenience store clerks who razz customers and goof off. [...]

An apoplectic Smith fired back on his MySpace blog: "Getting a bad review from Siegel is like a badge of honor. This is the guy who stole his mustachioed-critic shtick from Gene Shalit years ago, and still refuses to give it back. This is a guy who seemingly prides himself on his own nyuk-nyuk wordplay. For 'Pirates 2,' he made us all titter with 'Yo, Ho, Ho and a Bottle of Fun' . . . He made us squeal with delight when he wrote, 'Wheelie Good Time for "Cars." ' I mean, Fozzy [bleeping] Bear laughs at this guy."

And there's more: "I don't need Joel Siegel to [bleep] my [bleep] the way he apparently [bleeps] M. Night Shyamalan's, gushing over his flick ['The Lady in the Water'] before he's even seen it, but [bleep] man, man - how about a little common [bleeping] courtesy? You never, never disrupt a movie, simply because you don't like it. Cardinal rule of moviegoing: Shut your [bleeping] mouth while the movie's playing.

"I don't come down to your job and slap the taste out of your mouth for coming up with a line like, ' "Shark Tale" Is a Halibut Good Time' - so don't [bleep] with my stuff while it's still screening . . . What are you, a 12-year-old boy cutting loose with your pals at a Friday night screening of 'Scary Movie' 4' while your parents are in a theater down the hall watching 'The Devil Wears Prada'? Leave the diva-like behavior and drama-queen antics to the movie stars, not the movie reviewer, ya' rude-ass [bleep]."

For no reason at all...

2006-07-18T14:03:00.000-07:00

The genius of Nimoy...

He's Vince Vaughn and you're definitely not

2006-07-16T18:43:00.000-07:00

Look kids, a fallen star:

IS former big-screen everyman Chevy Chase trying to start a feud with his modern-day counterpart, Vince Vaughn? "Recently, I saw a commercial with, is it Nicole Kidman? No, no - Jennifer What's Her Name? from 'Friends,' " Chase tells Details. "And some guy. I had never seen him. I don't know who the [bleep] he is. He looks like some refrigerator repairman." (Chase was referring to a commercial for the Jennifer Aniston/Vaughn comedy, "The Break-Up.")

It's been a long time since Caddyshack and Vacation (and yes, we're sparing you from the part where he jokes about his 17-year-old daughter being a whore)...

Chef-gate reawakened

2006-07-16T14:50:00.000-07:00

New details...

Pee-wee & Conan

2006-07-14T09:09:00.000-07:00

Already a contender for Greatest Moment in Television History... Too bad NBC will probably pull it off any second now...

A new David Blaine (or John Edward)?

2006-07-13T19:21:00.000-07:00

ABC isn't going to stop with the David Blaine specials apparently, so it's time to bring out the next freak...

Let the flame war commence!

2006-07-08T18:53:00.000-07:00

Since there are two Heads of Household this season, I can have a flame war with two people... and it's pretty obvious from the first edition of "Big Brother: All Stars" who deserves it...

These two may well be the biggest jackasses in television history... and they don't even need the $500 grand. To make matters worse, they are in their 30s and one still calls himself "Mike Boogie."

Plus even more relevant to this blog, they're pals with Kaballah nut/"Punk"er Ashton Kutcher. Definitely in need of a righteous blog flaming... now I just have to hope they get a blog...

What, no Star Jones coverage?

2006-07-06T12:44:00.000-07:00

That is sooooo last week. No, instead I plan a pre-emptive blog war! That's right, a good old-fashioned flame war. It helps if the blogger is famous, it helps even more if they aren't currently involved in a flame-war with someone else (hence, that leaves out most bloggers). So, that leaves people who have not yet started a blog, but will soon. And so far, I have Tucker Carlson and the houseguests of Big Brother 7, who will almost certainly be given a blog when they win HOH. Better yet, their internet access is limited, so I am guaranteed to win the blog war! So take that, Mike "Boogie" and Alison! THIS MEANS WAR!!! (watch this spot)

By the way, where is Kim Jong Il's blog?

UPDATE: Found it, but he hasn't posted much lately. Damn, that wouldn't have been a flame war, it might have been an international incident! That's worth at least a few thousand hits, right?

Scientology Bites

2006-07-05T15:56:00.000-07:00

The dynamic duo of prosteletyzing on the radio have hit the airwaves:

Why is Janeane Garofalo touting a Scientology-linked project?

The actress and talk-show host has done two segments on her Air America radio show “Majority Report,” heaping praise on the controversial New York Rescue Workers Detoxification Project, a program based on the teachings of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard.

On one show, her guests included Leah Remini, star of “King of Queens” and a devout Scientologist, who sang the praises of the detox project.

UPDATE: Garofalo canned(?)...

BEST TRAILER --- EVER!!!

2006-07-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, best trailer this week...

Oh the humanity

2006-06-19T10:06:00.000-07:00

Presented without comment

2006-06-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

Dharma & Crazy

2006-06-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

From the "WTF?" Dept.:

What on earth was Jenna Elfman referring to when she asked film director John Roecker, “Have you raped a baby?” The “Keeping the Faith” star reportedly asked the question of Roecker when she saw him wearing a T-shirt mocking her religion, Scientology. “It’s one of the questions Scientologists are asked by Scientology leaders when they’ve misbehaved,” a source familiar with the religion explains.

Could we have been wrong about the reincarnation of L. Ron?

2006-06-09T12:44:00.000-07:00

Now that the Brangelina baby has stolen the TomKat baby's thunder, even Krazy Kruise is caught up in the hype, reportedly asking Mommy Angie to join the fold of Battlefield Earth fans (an "award" is involved)... Of course this is an obvious plan to get to the Most Important Baby Born last month...

Show some respect, yo

2006-06-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

K-Fed speaks:

Wanna-be rapper Kevin Federline has posted a homily on his official MySpace.com page: "If you all didn't use my comment section to dis each other i woulda kept them without approval ... but all that s- was stupid. I don't care if you don't like me but respect each other."

Jon Stewart at the Peabody Awards

2006-06-06T14:37:00.000-07:00

Re: this:

The biggest cheers went to Trey Parker and Matt Stone, co-creators of Comedy Central’s “South Park.” In introducing them, Stewart said he marveled at “at their ability to keep the show fresh and hilarious” after nearly 10 years on the air. The two, though, kept their remarks brief and irreverent, with Parker throwing a swear word into a joke about their “artistic responsibility” and Stone spending his time praising fellow honorees “Battlestar Galactica.”

"South Park just mentioned Battlestar Galactica. Somewhere somebody's blog just blew up." - Stewart

BOOM!

I can finally sleep soundly again!

2006-06-01T07:47:00.000-07:00

Spade and Heather are back together! That Locklear chick just can't resist his Dennis Finchiness!

McScientologist?

2006-06-01T07:39:00.000-07:00

Man she's already got this Hollywood celeb thing figured out:

TOM CRUISE and KATIE HOLMES have secretly asked AMERICAN IDOL runner-up KATHARINE McPHEE to sing at their upcoming wedding.
Actress Holmes reportedly met McPhee at Los Angeles' Church of Scientology, where the singer allegedly attended courses with her boyfriend, and
has since become a huge fan of the pretty brunette.

A "source" close to TomKat declares her a future "singing legend." Perhaps they will attend her wedding as well... once she dumps her boyfriend for the reincarnation of L. Ron, of course.

UPDATE: Nothing to see here people, keep moving with your McPheever as scheduled, as you can see here in an interview with Taylor Hick... er, Glenn Beck:

BECK: Is it true that Tom Cruise asked you to sing at his wedding?

MCPHEE: I get that question non-stop. And you know what? I have no idea where that rumor came from.

BECK: Really?

MCPHEE: And I have not gotten any confirmation from any kind of management camp, so...

BECK: Are you a Scientologist?

MCPHEE: No, I`m not a Scientologist.

BECK: Really? Both of those things are rampant on the...

MCPHEE: Both of those things are false.

BECK: Really? So you haven`t met those guys?

MCPHEE: I have not met -- no, I`ve not met Tom Cruise or Katie Holmes. I`d like to.

Piracy is WRONG!

2006-05-19T16:39:00.000-07:00

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!

'Da Vinci' Blows

2006-05-17T09:05:00.000-07:00

Time to place your bets on the first critic to use that headline (and get it past the editors)...

Bart the Scientologist

2006-05-16T15:19:00.000-07:00

Ay caramba:

Bart Simpson has something in common with Tom Cruise — he loves Scientology. Or at least, the woman who does Bart’s voice does. “Before Scientology I had one dream of making a living from doing voice-overs for animation,” said Nancy Cartwright, the voice of the animated character, who’s in Australia doing a one-woman show. “After I became a Scientologist my abilities expanded so far and above what I originally dreamed that I’ve amazed even myself.”

Breaking News: Lindsay Lohan music career a fraud

2006-05-11T20:01:00.000-07:00

Shocker... Next you'll tell me that Eddie Murphy isn't a big music star...

EXCLUSIVE - Must credit Time for Timer!!!

2006-05-11T15:25:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, Sir Jumps-a-Lot will show pictures of Suri, the Most Important Baby Ever on teevee. However, we have obtained one of these photos one day early...

The robots are coming to get you

2006-05-11T09:07:00.000-07:00

Since it appears that it's just a matter of time before robots render our species extinct (the only debate is whether we'll be used as fuel - or is it too late? Is this all the Matrix? Blew your mind, didn't I?), I thought I'd pay tribute to one of the best SNL fake ads of all time (watch quick before NBC's possibly robotic lawyers take it down!)...

Xenu sucks, yo

2006-05-11T08:53:00.000-07:00

The Daily Sheen

2006-05-09T20:40:00.000-07:00

That's what this blog has become apparently, so we'll just accept it for now:

In yet another setback to his character defense, and possibly in a death throe to his family show career, Charlie Sheen is now facing possible charges in a wrongful death suit being contemplated by a dead porn star's mother.

Rumor has it that Donna Jones, mother of the now-dead Penthouse Pet and aspiring porn star Chloe Jones, is considering filing the suit against Sheen because she believes his influence on the unfortunate starlet may have led her to commit suicide, or worse.

Clearing the air

2006-05-09T20:38:00.000-07:00

David Spade says he's sorry...

Cinco de Cruiso

2006-05-05T07:36:00.000-07:00

As you know, today is a beloved day which many people look forward to all year... that's right, it's the new Tom Cruise movie! For those of you going to see it, here's an idea: Cut out the middle man and give $10 to the Church of Scientology!

BREAKING NEWS: Comedian Makes Fun of President in Front of President at Correspondents Dinner

2006-05-03T15:48:00.000-07:00

We are getting reports that a comedian apparently poked fun at the President of the United States of America while he was in the room at something called a White House Correspondents Dinner. Unconfirmed reports say that this has never happened before and it is Big Important News that is being buried...

Developing...